so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
