I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
