I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
