just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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