I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
