Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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