good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
