good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
