I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
