Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
