She said her name was "party"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
