I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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