Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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