He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
