There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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