Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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