my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
