Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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