Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Actions speak louder than pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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