i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
