I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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