How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
