Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm always down for nudity.
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