We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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