we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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