She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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