hotel room ftw
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
