speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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