I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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