That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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