If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
