He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You have to summon your inner elephant
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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