you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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