i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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