i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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