she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
