He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Couch. On fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize