is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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