The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
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Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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