You can't motorboat a personality
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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