who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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