he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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