she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
