the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
