Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My feet surprised me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
