I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
