You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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