I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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