Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
