i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
