What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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