I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
