I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
