You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
