I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
