I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
