Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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