I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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