When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
