At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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