Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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