just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
