After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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