Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
