The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
